Internet Safety

I've been focusing quite a bit on the idea of internet safety for the last month or so, and I'm so glad this was our topic for this week.  I think so much of the reason that I have tried to not let myself become too involved in technology--specifically, internet technology--over the past few years has a lot to do with all of this.  I watched several of my closest friends fall into the traps of the internet, letting MMOGs, pornography, and other social networking take over their lives and rule their thinking processes.  I knew too many people who let the internet world become their reality, and thus, their family relationships were deeply strained.  I always felt annoyed with the computer games some of my friends played, and I felt like I was always coming second with them...not second to a person, but second to some ridiculous, cyber reality.  I swore I would never let my life become like that.  So here I've been for the last few years, trying to avoid games and blogs and other things like that on the internet: anything that would destroy my sense of reality and what really mattered in life.

I was deeply touched as I watched the Frontline video about children growing up online in today's world.  Besides the experiences I had in my own teenage years, the experiences of several of the featured youth and parents added to my firm stance against various internet activities.  For example, one mom talked about how her son would become completely zoned out whenever he was on "Facebook," as he claimed, but that he was often very jumpy.  Sometimes she would just walk over to the refrigerator, and he would jump and flip the computer screen off.  When families--the people who, together, create the most fundamental unit of society--cannot even be open with each other, there is a sure problem!  I can't believe this mother would stand for some of the behavior of her son as it related to the computer.  He would never give her his passwords, and he continued to push the idea of "what's mine is mine, leave it alone."  She just seemed to give up...is that the norm?  I get the feeling it is sadly becoming the norm in today's world.  Parents who don't understand the internet as much as their children do are turning away from the old-fashioned ideas of disciplining and monitoring children's behavior and activities!  How many parents let their children have their own computers, kept in the children's bedrooms?  Too many, if you ask me.  There are so many horrible stories--like a few from this video--about children who let themselves become lost in these internet identities and worlds they have created for themselves, but they keep it all up in their rooms.  Their parents only find out about major issues going on with their children--like eating disorders, pornography use/creation, and suicidal thoughts/actions--AFTER something major happens and someone from the outside calls the home to tell the parents about the situation.  Is that how it's supposed to be?  Absolutely not.  My heart just went out to the poor parents of Ryan, the 7th grader who, because of cyber bullying, decided to commit suicide.  The parents had NO idea anything was wrong with their son until he was gone...

However, one of the biggest problems I see in all of this is that parents are wimping out, to put it bluntly. We live in a world where that just isn't an option if you want your family to be safe.  Parents seem to give up when their children zone out or lock themselves up in their rooms or refuse to give passwords, etc.  My parents, in similar situations, I'm sure would have dragged me downstairs to be with the family. They would have taken off my door.  They would have contacted all my friends' parents and demanded I not be allowed to use computers at their houses.  They would have grounded me from all sorts of computer activities.  They would have kept the computer in an open space of the house--well, they did.  And they would BE THERE for my life.  No matter how stubborn children can be, a parent is a parent only when they teach and love.  What kind of message are we teaching if we just allow children to rule their own lives before they fully understand the consequences of their actions?  What kind of message are we sending if we allow the internet and its use to become more important than time spent with the family and with REAL, live friends?  It's sickening to think about all that is happening in the world as parents give up on their parenting responsibilities.

Now, I don't think everything on the internet is bad.  And I'm glad we talked so much about balance with our voicethread this week.  The benefits to using the internet far surpass the negative consequences.  I think that the best support our children can receive in life will always come from human, live interactions and relationships.  But at the same time, I think several children feel an added piece of acceptance and confidence as they engage in internet activities, games, and social networks.  I think in families, computers need to be used as tools for good, not as escape engines.  They need to be kept in public places and open to parental guidance.  But when our children are not home, we have to trust them to behave appropriately and to use the internet wisely, even if we're not there.  That aspect all depends on how we teach them and how we love them.  As we show them they are not alone, that they belong somewhere and they have incredible value as human beings, just as they are, we free some of the spirits of our children.  We allow them to be more open in real life, causing them to see more clearly "the things that really are."  As they do this, they become more prone to avoiding the poisons that exist around them.  It all comes down to parental love and guidance.  If we are not there for them, who else will be?